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So Kill Me Already, No More Shopping! March 11, 2006

Posted by The Truth in battle of the sexes!.
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Ich geh mit Dir, wenn es sein musst auch weit weg von hieraber nicht zum Einkaufen.’

I bet that’s just about what every dude is thinking…it goes to the effect of i’ll go with you, but not shopping. The original sentence meant ‘i’ll go with you, far, far away if it must be…’ Romantic enough? After awhile it becomes quite lomantic, to put it in the way an Ah Beng pronounces it.

I’ll admit it. Please send me on a 24-klick route march in FBO with a lot of cadence songs (or maybe my iPod) but please, shopping kills. Well, it kills guys. (I know there are some metrosexuals out there who disagree fully but i shall be sexist and say if your genetic makeup is XXY (meaning you suffer from Klinefelter’s syndrome or something) or if you’re simply more in touch with your female Doppelgänger, please. You’re more than welcome to message me or write an essay about the pros of shopping and i’ll deletepost it here for you.

So, after these pleasantries, here i come to my main thesis.

XY is not genetically programmed for endurance when out shopping with XX.

Okay, okay. Even guys shop. I shop for clothes too. Are you happy now?

But, still.

I really respect those dudes who can go around with their girlfriends for maybe 5-6 hours on end through the entire length of Orchard Road and then down to Suntec just caz their girlfriends want to shop. Respect with a capital R, that is. Because these guys will probably be able to complete JCC (that’s the Jungle Confidence Course, ladies) without breaking a sweat.

I thought i was pretty okay, but kah yee thinks otherwise. She thinks i make a sucky shopping companion. Well, girlfriend, i’m sure i make a sucky one. And i mean it honestly. I just proved myself right. Let’s see…

I went down to Chinatown (drove, of course, but i’ll never drive down there on a weekday/weekend afternoon EVER AGAIN) to meet Samantha and her mom caz well…sam wanted to check out the 88-metre long Wurst (that’s sausage in German…so guys, who has an 88-metre long Wurst?! AHAHAHAHAHA okay gross joke.) and well, get something for her German friend. I mean, i was like, oh, peachy keen! What’re we waiting for already caz she’s someone i really do wanna go out with, before she goes back to Germany.

Anyway, her family knows me, so they’re cool if i appear sometimes. SOMETIMES that is. Just in case any of you are wondering if sam and her mom were testing my endurance or if if this was some kinda meet-the-folks session.

Anyhow, not to digress any further, so they went shopping for stuff and all. And i just tagged along…as a mule. OMG. Yes, guys, you all are mules. Have you all been enlightened yet? I don’t know how to describe it…i mean, at first of course it was kinda fun and stuff, we walked and talked but then again i wasn’t really checking out the goods at the place. There weren’t any babes to check out too sadly, and i couldn’t possibly check her out could i?! (for very obvious reasons…d’oh) So yeah.

I don’t know when it was, but at some point of time i just got quite tired of the shopping shenanigen and well moved off to get some sunlight and air. If i had a fag i may have run the risk of fagging (well she knows i fag sometimes but her mom doesn’t, and anyway, i’m gonna stop fagging except for clubbing next time – so there.) but i didn’t so i just soaked up the Sun and waited out.

For those of you who have served in the military, this is worse than getting a ‘Wait Out’ reply to your hurried desperate radio set call for help. Well or so it was for me. I was just wandering about aimlessly looking at trinkets and such…maybe i should have gone to Sng Arms and looked at some pistols and swords. Now that’s the kinda shit guys normally go shopping for. ‘How ’bout a suit of armour for your new house?!’ ‘DUDE that’s SUCH AN AWESOME IDEA!’ yadda yadda…

And so it went on until they went back to the German 88-m long Bratwurst (caz it was being roasted – gebraten – so there) and bought some chow. I wasn’t even hungry anymore. Even my green tea addiction seemed to disappear into thin air. So after that it was a quick ‘thank you very much for carrying all our stuff’ and a curt ‘you’re welcome’ and then we went our own ways.

I don’t think that ended on a perfect note. I do know that i treated myself to 5 Portuguese egg tarts from 良辰美点 however. I wasn’t too happy on the road home, though…but perhaps having Sarah Brightman sing classics like La Luna and Nessun Dorma helped temper me a little.

Has this happened 10000 times for you all? I mean, the girls will still have fun but do you guys have fun as well? I certainly didn’t have a lot of fun – in fact, i was turned off. I just, well…tuned out.

Well, there was a period of time when we were a lot more closer, but i don’t know if it’d have been any better. I mean…does your liking a girl make you either have more endurance or anything? At least it’s an endearing characteristic which will get you the ladies. HAHAHA…

So thus. I’ll admit i know close to nuts bout such shopping stuff. Maybe i need a girlfriend. Or girlfriends. Or maybe i need to go shopping with girls more. Either way, both are difficult roads.

SIGH!

So come on out of your dens and give us your replies already. I HEREBY CHALLENGE YOU ALL.
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The Truth is about to ORD in 3 days’ time. He loves the colour pink and all, and cries at the movies, but like most guys, he dies when he goes shopping with a lady. Even if she’s hot. Although he’d probably last longer if she was hot. Yummy.

St. Valentine’s Massacre February 26, 2006

Posted by The Truth in Uncategorized.
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Valentine’s is over. (if you suscribe to the belief that once in love, every day is Valentine’s day, then…whatever cooks your noodle huh)

And i was voyeuring [read: blog-hopping, in this context] when i came across this…have you ever wondered why your dream girl never wanted to go out with you for Valentine’s? (if she’s attached, you = stupidfuck.) Bitte schön!
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‘In this second part of today’s usual boring entries, i shall Attempt* to sought out the top 10 diplomatic rejection replies when you take a Chance* and ask the girl/guy of your Choice* out for a Valentine’s Day dinner. It’s very real, Trust* me…

Template Question:
Heya, ________________(enter name here), i was wondering if you were free to go out Next Tuesday evening (14th Feb 2006)

1) “Oh, I’m not too sure i might have something on on that night, can’t confirm with you now.” (this means your target is available but best package seals the deal. in this scenario, there is still hope but a bit bleak because there are other predators with razor sharp fangs…)

2) “Where do you wanna go? Next week might be a bit busy cos’ got a lot of assignments” (for god’s sake, it’s only an evening….this means near to no hope already)

3) “I dun mind but i have lessons til 7 but i have to get home by 830” (give it up cos’ he/she does not want to spend unneccesary time with you)

4) “Next week cannot..so sorry, i’m giving tuition” (and it leaves you wondering who he/she will be tutoring that night)

5)* this is for the non drivers
“I dun mind but I will be carrying a lot of things, my readings and laptop and my shoes for gym, can I leave them in your car?” (need I say more?)

6) “My friend going back to Australia already, i have to send him/her off, sorry!” (If you do not get the hint, then proceed by suggesting a restaurant at Terminal 2, lotsa international cuisine there)

7) “I Don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day cos’ I think it’s overpriced and there’s no meaning.” ( reads “I don’t wanna celebrate Valentine’s Day with you cos’ I think you suck and there’s no meaning.)

8) “I can’t go out on weekdays.” ( probably suggests that you are not on his/her priority list on weekends either cos’ he/she probably has more important things reserved for weekends than you, alternatively, he/she’s lying)

9) “Tuesday is still so far away, I don’t plan so far ahead. See how first lah” (if he/she doesn’t plan that FAR ahead, then maybe you have to plan where’s a good place to go for last minute rejection)

10) Suposedly he/she says yes, wow great news! then you are on your way to success, cos’ it means you have managed to win the rest of your competitors. Remember the point is not to impress, just act normally, no need to be so lavish unless you wanna give your date the wrong impression. Then call him/her just before meeting so that he/she has ample time to prepare, then all you hear is, “you have reached the voicemail box of 9385&*#@, is not available, please record your message after the tone”. (Well what can i say, at least you came close enough…)’
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I got this from Chalk, one of my upperstudies’ partners-in-crime. And yes, i’m a [blog] voyeur, so don’t go around spreading my name and stuff like that y’all. I mean…i don’t want the shit talk of the town to be ‘OMG have you heard?! [insert name here] is a voyeur!’ Which is actually very possible, considering how gossip gets mangled and modified every time it’s passed on. It’s worse than genetic crossing over and the homo-/heterozygous shit you learnt in Biology. Imagine having a baby with like 4 eyes. JEEZ. Of course, if it’s not my name in there, i’ll partake happily in all the ruthless destroying of that hapless maggot.

The Truth is currently a LTA waiting to be unleashed upon the unknowing world when he ORD-s. Currently facing a quarter-life crisis and a lot of indecision regarding his university courses.

Parking: Battle of the Sexes February 21, 2006

Posted by innersmile in battle of the sexes!.
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(because MrWong requested and because i’m a nice obliging girl.
even though i can barely keep my eyes open and all i want to do is scream at every NUS student who’s enjoying his/her midtermbreak while i’m drowning in 5inchthick stacks of lecturenotes for the upcoming CAs andistillhaveBahasaIndonesiamidtermstostudyfor)

found this while doing some random surfing.

Who makes the better driver (or in this case, parker), man or woman?
let’s see who kicks ass at parking!
by ZurichInsurance.

innersmile is a very harassed muggertoad currently drowning in pre-exam woes.
will be on a semihiatus from her powerbook until CA madness is over come march10.

From Boardroom to Bedroom February 20, 2006

Posted by samesame in battle of the sexes!.
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We can choose to ignore it or opt for disbelieve, but is in an indispuitable truth that years of stuggle for gender equality have gave birth to a new breed of women. Those dressed in the most expensive chanel fragrance, black suit lady boss, whose paycheck doubles the male counterpart her age. It seems that the extra quarter of the last human chromosome is fianally showing what its made of. Yes, we know that the not-so-fortunate Y chromosome with a missing leg is resposible for building the Great Wall of China, for deriving E=mc2 and propelling the French revolution. But in today’s world, whoever helms the boardroom calls the shot. Who really cares if you are male, female or somewhere inbetween. There have been articles claiming that someday, the puny Y chromosome of yours would not be needed anymore, existing no more than a frozen emergency sample in a spermbank. Are men doomed for extinction, by the genetic technologies they created? Who wins the fight in the little aspects of everyday life?

He: Dad has taught him that its a men’s thing to shave and look smooth. So he spends 5 minutes with his gillette trying to get the perfect 5 o’clock aftershave. But dad never taught him the proper way to brush and floss.
She: Mom did. It never got into him, but she knows hygiene is important. She takes as long as she needs to get that pearly white smile that blinds. She then concern herself with the little imperfections of her complexion. Trim her nails and do the polishing touch up. She knows she can never look too pretty.
The winner: She wins. Men never understood the idea of pampering himself.

He: Makes himself a cup of milo – his favourite drink since the days he played soccer – and grabs the ham and cheese sandwich. Occasionally, he throws in some eggs or bacon. A bar of chocolate is always around should he feel hungry on his way to work.
She: Blends a glass of Latte. Who knows how long she takes to make it comparable with Starbucks. And, thats it. Thats all for breakfast. Anything more and she risk getting fat.
The winner: He. Of course. What is more important than breakfast? Its the prime meal of the day.

He: Fires up his black Mazda 3. Spends 5 minutes doing nothing because he knows the engine needs to warm up. ERP doesn’t matter.
She: Revs up her red Honda Integra. She pauses too, but thats to check on her lashes. And she have not forgotten to check through her documents, making sure everything is in place and ready for the 9 o’clock meeting.
The Winner: He. Why would anybody buy an Integra? (Ed: I would. Make it a Type R. -guojun) Even then…you ought to take good care of it.

He: Arrives just in time for the meeting. But holy shit! He have forgotten that piece of document he spent the last night on. That had cost him to miss his EPL match. And he forgot to bring it along to the meeting? Damn. But Mr Cool here knows how to handle it. This had happened countless times. He tasks his secetary to get another copy printed. His blackberry does not download and print wirelessly for nothing.
She: Its already 930. She is late(As expected. Look at her morning routine again). She knows. She returns the chairman’s stare and askes “Is Mr Cool ready?” All eyes set on him now. He is dumbstruck. Just what is taking his secetary so long. The Blackberry?Possibly.
The winner: She. Because somewhere, somehow, woman were sold this idea of “fashionably late”. The men don’t get it.

He: His proposal didn’t fall through. The boss prefers her marketing solution. Damn. he should have just watch the EPL. He is not pissed, but dismayed. Yet he smiles. He cannot show discontent because afterall, he ought to be a gentlemen.
She: Had she lost, she would have had him by the balls(have I mentioned those heels). She would have stormed into her boss’s office and requested a reconsideration. One way or another, she is gonna have it. Her thighs are unbelievably tempting and so is her oratory daunting. The boss gotta give in or she will quit.
The winner: Well, she wins. Make no mistake, this is not about ‘sex sells’. Its all about playing to one’s strength. Whatever works, works. The truth is, the boss is not up to it. He is afterall, a man. He gives in the same way he lays his life to his wife.

He: Lunch time and he flips Straits Times, Forbes, whatever interest him. He is never alone, and without conversation with his buddies. Soccer, stocks, woman(including the one he faced off with), beer, women…beer?
She: She flips Cleo, but only to look at what to shop for over the weekend. For now, she has got a burger(Ouch!) to fill her stomach as she works through lunch.
The winner: He. The greatest sin next to not working is working too hard. Lunch is a time for rest. Oh come on!

He: The coporate function has ended, and he is sending her home. But of course, her Integra broke down. He vaguely remembers Chanel in the morning but now he smells Estee Lauder. She sits laid back, tired. The result of working too hard. He notices the elliptic curl of her eye lashes. But like all men, he keeps quite and pay no compliment.
She: The midtone of his Boss Soul smells seduction. She smirks as Class95 plays their midnight love songs. She says “nice shave”(see, dad is right). She feels comfortable around him, but she convinces herself that she is still too young for such thoughts. She is only 25(remember the paycheck?).
The winner: What do you think?

-contributed by Kelvin.
Kelvin is a close friend of the Truth, who is currently serving his last days in the Army. Believes sometimes beyond any rational doubt the irrational concept that he is the Lightbringer. Born 1st January, 1986.

Disclaimer:

While we insist on perfect grammar and good expression, that being the key to all good communications, we are not responsible for any errors in the text above. It is complete and unabridged. Cheers!

Same Same February 19, 2006

Posted by The Truth in about.
1 comment so far

Guojun. Kah Yee. Same same, but different.

What’s Same-Same about, anyway?

Have you ever wondered why men don’t understand women and vicey versa? Dudes, have you ever wondered how good it may have been to see things from another perspective, rather than from a testosterone-oriented view? Ladies, do you want to understand why guys make such perfect jerks sometimes?

If any of you suspected that it’s because men are aliens from Mars and women aliens from Venus, and only met on Terra just to ensure the continuation of the species, here’s something for you:

you’re probably absolutely 200% right!

Same-same. But, different.
-guojun